Neuro linguistic Programming can be a difficult concept to introduce to the military mind, but I'm going to try because the fundamental principles are the key to a happy transition from leaving the armed forces into civilian life.
When I first wrote this article, it was for a website to help people understand the changes they may need to make to run a successful business. However, the principles hold true for anything, and especially for leaving the armed forces.
Here's a bit of basic background stuff to start off with...
The human mind is the most fantastic bio-computer ever created, but we don't easily get to understand the coding. It's not very user friendly. NLP is to our brain, or bio-computer, what Windows is to the PC. It gives us access to all the programmes and installs software updates.
When you understand the principles of Neuro Linquistic Programming (NLP) you:
- get it that each person will react differently when experiencing the same event.
- can change how you feel and act, and therefore, what you get done.
Our inputs, thought processes and actions are something of a chain reaction, just like this.
What we see and hear affects what we then think about...
How we think about what we see and hear then becomes what we feel...
Our feelings influence our reactions and behaviour - our actions...
Actions become habits...
Our habits, or consistent behaviour, determines our destiny!
Spooky, Woo Woo New-Fangled Stuff?
Afraid not. It's been around for eons, it's just been called a bundle of other things. We can find it lurking in parables, fables and the autobiographies of our great leaders and corporate magicians.
Go and have a read of the Bible to find lots of stuff like 'Seek And Yee Shall Find.' Pure NLP.
NLP is the acronym for Neuro-linguistic-programming.
Neuro
The neuro refers to our nervous system, the pathway for our five senses so we can see, hear, taste, feel and smell.
If you need convincing this stuff is real, then think about this. Have you ever got the rush of an aroma from your childhood - granny's lavender water scent or the smell of cookies from the kitchen? Or how about a long forgotten tune? Suddenly, you shoot back in time with all the old feelings flowing through you. That's it working.
Linguistic
This is about our ability to use language and the understanding of how specific words and phrases mirror our mental worlds. It can also be the silent world of gestures, postures and habits, which can reveal our thinking styles, beliefs, and more. So sit up straight and put your shoulders back. Paying attention...Well here it is in action...
I'm going to tell you NOT to think about Freddy Crouger. By now you should have a picture or be thinking about a bloke in a strange hat and stripey top with a wicked manicure. Now let's make it real... I'm going to tell you NOT to think about messing up that interview next week.
Our brains can't do negatives, and so they have to think about whatever it is we want to blott out. So when you think about NOT messing up that interview, then you are, in fact, focusing on messing it up.
Some people repeatedly talk about how shattered they are; they are exhausted and can't shake it off. Hardly surprising when 'shattered' sounds and feels so final. An irreparable condition. On the other hand, others, who may be equally knackered, say they need to get more energy or have to get livened up. This sounds more doable and has a forward momentum towards increased vibrancy.
Here's a little story about how I tried this out on my son Elliot. Elliot had taken his laptop round to his mates for a New Years Eve party (yep really!). The laptop got broken (wow) because someone stood on it - but that person didn't own up. The insurance agreed a replacement but Elliot was incandescent with rage that one of his mates could break something and not come clean.
Over the next 3 days he was ringing me up and shouting things like "I'm so furious," "I'm f..king livid," and he was. Trust me you could tell and each time he called up it was worse. I'm a patient Mum, but crikey. Eventually I got him to switch to saying "I'm really miffed." Perhaps those of you with older teenage boys can hear the monotone grunting.
Clearly, this is a testament to my extraordinary parenting skills, power over teenagers and ability to screech very loudly when provoked beyond reason. "Say it again," I told him, and on it went until finally he laughed and asked when his new laptop would be delivered. "Bye Mum." Job done.
However, what had really changed? The programme started reacting to being miffed instead of livid. Can you jump up and down, do red in the face and pounding fists while yelling about being miffed? Or sustain miffiness for longer than a nano-second? Programming
Sinister?
It's more about awareness and change. Instead of saying what we don't want, say what we do want. When you go for that first job interview after leaving the armed forces then instead of focusing on not panicking and messing it up, just focus on being relaxed and confident.
It's also about understanding that not everyone, and that includes our colleagues and families think and feel the same as we do.
For example, there's a reasonable chance that if you've been in the armed forces a while, and were largely happy there, that the concept of doing your duty and the importance of punctuality are almost second nature to you. You should expect to find that many people in civvy street don't give a figgy about duty and are more concerned that the job is done than they are about getting to their desk by a certain time.
The principles of NLP are affecting you every single day, so you might as well use them, and you can pick up enough from the better references to start seeing significant changes. Even a few tweeks to your everyday language and thinking can cause a change.
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